आत्म-साक्षात्कार Confessions of a perturbed mind

send me baby......send the song.....i'm having cAZY IDEAS...MATRIX........ANOTHER WORLD......BHAANG KHAANE SE......NOTE TO MYSELF: NEVER DO IT AGAIN.

offf the record......dont send.....after having bhaang....crazy iudea comes in my mind...cant type properly......cant cluster the thought....ss......as if mind became so many....i person in so many person.......one in me is a author...who is constantly telling me to write....one controls.....as if hand is not mind...sms caem....gonna reply.....thanx for ur ignore sms.......see....thoughts are arbit...but///true///y i am trying to convince....yaa....beacue i've many minds...in me.....beacuse i want to reveal the mystery of brain.....thats y sometimnes i wanted to be doctor also..but familt.......shit....emotion nahi.......ye bandi kya sochegi.................kuchh bhi ho...yaar lekin hum apne man ki baaten kyun kah rahe hain?
coz bcessary....some thought sensored here....abt ...nahi abt likh doge to use pata chal jaayega....haan...stop documenting everthing....but i;m the documenter....i ttype....no these two are different....again crqzy ideas....sh stop writing..no....i want ot document my ....my thoughts are at edd...commanding eye system to see it...........its funny...mere haath....aur pair dono alag alag contro l hote hain...saari ungliyaan bhi...unngliyaan dast ho gayi hai....dekhne ki capability bhi....lekin galtiyaan bhi jyaa ho rahi hain....so be fast....and great people dont have enough timne to tell......and so i dont havelso...means i'm grt....means everyone is...i'm not trying to prove myself....but....yaa i'm gr8 n so are you...and so is everyone else.....its like a poem...yaa....i'mn a poet...i'm good at it....its braggin....dont brag to her....no i'm not...shit ye multi-mind thigs....to many mids...too mnany things to say...hav very deep thoughts now......if u wanna write have bhaang...note to myself de chuka hoon not to have....but wo change...koshish karoon tab bhi no hanege/....i shd not do it gain,.

reest lete hain..phir likhenge.,,,,1:02 PM

i'm gonna play the keybor: `1:03 pm

1:04....ANDER EK MUSCIAN BHI HAI.
EK DOCUMENTER...EK ALAMMER.....VIPIN KAA MSG AAYA HAI..UNHE AB BATA RAHA HOON...ABOUT MY CRAZY IDEAS...I SHD NOT WORRY HIM WITH MY STUPIDITIES....
y the hell r u calling vipin....?

no i'm not calling....
wo majak samjh lenge....aur y e nahi samjhenge ki main bhaang ke ar me hoon...
samajh lenge...expert hain...100 repaye ki shart laga le...

this mail is to P....but y i;mn talking abt vipin...i shd not.....girls dont like when u dont give them importance....
vipin ko stop me....
lekin kailash ke room me...aa jaaaao.
nahi aayenge...
aa jayenge/....190 ki shart lage le :D

phir wahi..P ka mail..vipin ko msg: y? wuestionaaire? internal conflict...too many msg...chuck it...no dont...one mistake stopper....call aayaa...bhaabhi ka call....ahmesha missed call hi maarti hain :P

bhaabhi ka call....unko bata diyaa....ki bhaang khaa li\? gadhe...kyun bata di be?

vipin didnt stop me...i win. he is saying i sh enjoy...no...i shd not.

but i shd go tot oilet....what...go now...or u'll do it on bed....y r u wrting in P's mail...she is already part of subconcious...stupid.....she will ditch u too........stupid stop dont write htis...alarmer....beep beep beep.....writer....writting...

.too many toughts....mistaker will delte it from memory....non-believer will ask me not to believe....and i'll be writer....a great one...or a crazy one...may be great one....ovviously...i will have bhang...and write.....and novel prixze......then thinker will think and arranger willl arange in the story...so...vikash, be all of t hem. alarmer...overconfidence.
msg to urself: dont fight...controll anger


alarm: dont tell her inner thoughts...!!! she might ditch you.
alarm: she will think....i was trying to fool.
alarm...stop u'll loose her.
alarm..dont be ruidicuolus...
alarm...u arew writing wrong.
alarm.....ther eis one who revises things...too manuy people in my mind.
change the paragraph..
plz change...
oh....one beggar.
great writer,,,,
stupid writer....
random thoughts...note to myself: dont repeat things.
dont repeat mistake\
\
time noter:

inside mind to....
time n oter: 1:15

i shd go to toilet....


i shd not do something stupi...not detlete this mail.

writer alarm: not delete...u'l loose great peace.

1:16...dont leavce me baby
dont be a cryer:
alarm stopper.
dont stop alrm...
go to bed...sendnt htis first...go to bed...wrte correct speling...press caps lock.\
DONT PRESS IT....UNDO IT
no...DO it..
what?
undo
DO\
undo
ADOBE PRESS RANDON KEYS.....
RANDOM KEYS AND RANDOM THOUGHTS WILL MAKE A MESS LIKE DFJHDFKASIUYHRTRFTGRFGTVCFDSG
AAND THIS IS GREAT WRITING. WRITING THE WORDS COZ YOU CANT UNDERSTAND WITHOUT ARRANGING...BUT WRITER CAN SEE IT ALL. WHEN IN MOOD.

PARA GRAPH CHANGED. CAPS LOCK OFF

one again paragraph...
wrong grammer...
dont give a shit...
hindi maatribhaasha...
so to toilet...
abhi to gaya tha...dont do it again n again...
sed this mail....otherwise you might delete it.

send...
wait...many thiyghts,,,,,
trust her?
yaa...do it.

okay...i'm doing trust.

doing feels like dooin?

stupoidt thoughts.....
dont write....
dont delte
sen this much...
no dont send.

rest in 2nd paret??? 2nd part...?
wait u gonna do it again?
no do it.

do it.,

same conflict again....
kaisa repeition hai...
i shd write in hindi...i can speak many languages.........but no one sh know it. bragging salaaaa....
i can swim naa....i'm not ure....bu i remeber few times i tried in the river in nanihaal...stupid that was not swimming....no it was....tumhaare kaan me paani chala gaya tha,,isliye swimming chhodi....may be...stupid bakwaas...jhootha hoon main....but not to u P...
P? y the hell r u saynn P?

i shd not say it.. ther are too any grils...i shd not say it...about it....

i dint loved to many...!!!
but i loved the last one.

wait..the first one.

she was the only one.

means one girl....????

wait....kids? our kids?

mariiage?
stop...what the hell....marruage is a social arrangement....aristotle type thought. lionardo da vinci type mahan aadmi....wait. wo to gay tha shayad...

take rest a bit...u r tied wrting...ohhh....one rester also..ad grammer...bad spelling too....stop isdiots....one gussaa.....every one..stop the htought wala punter...writer will not have anything to write...writer can write always....huh! ego...! one exclamation presser!!!!!!!!!!

wait....stupid wrting....wait, great wreting..

shd translatre in every laguage...

y? y do we need laguage...
dont translate....just have bhaang and feel it.

damn it...! stop bhaang mat ppena.
ye risk hai...lekin peena...kyunki binaa piye risk lene kaa maja kaise aayegeaa????


mere ader ek risk taker bhi nahi...too many thoughtsmaneverythingtogetherwriteenwrongandthenwithbadspefliingandn nodspeaving a nd lies u wont be able o read the encrypted codes onwars now so stop trying to read this alarmer again beeper...caalmer..clamer...calmer repeater ...calmer...repeater..ontrolsarl...just like machine....dont try to control everyhitn,....deltere it stoip it..mail it random thoghts stop the ail...not to be sent...too send...send ittt sam d damn it....shittt shit.......stupid...stop it....stupid stop it..this is rhyme may be song...go to the toilet...wait not go..sen tt dont send it...coreact the oskeiioibn

reviser,,,,hili holi kehle raghuvweeraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa




i shd say i love u.....y sh di?
dekete it|?
ego baby..........
i shd say it...not befoer knowing her.
dont say to her
alarmer:
CAPASER
tooo naghy thoughts..mistake..send,.,slepp.....sendins mistake...seepinf is mistake..spelling mistale...send it...dotns send it...send it...dont send it......everyone is controliing mind in thse two..............stopper..sops the heand...someone made mistake...they control each other..sed it,,,send it ,,,,send it,,,,,,,,,,,
u crossing limit...send it now or ull loosed it....more stronger writer...send it.....more stronf alarmer....arey both are sayong same things....the other one is trying o ctrol controller...sen d it.
great writn....post it to blog. now..not now...send ti it to P first...let her tak what she understands...send it.....pain in hand...send it...too fast trying t write...send it....send it...
sending....
dont fake it...
oe laugh...
send it...