10 June, 2006

Home sweet home

After one year I'm going home tonight. So, I'll be irregular in next month. Nothing special to write. One quote for today.
Today is the first day of rest of my life. (Adaptation)

07 June, 2006

Why is 'care' important?

I got answer to this question while watching 'Adaptation' today.
There are too many ideas and too many people. And too many directions to go. I was starting to believe that the reason it matters to care passionately about something, is that is whittles the world down to a more manageable size.
-Susan Orlean in Adaptation

Perhaps, I want to whittle the world down to manageable size.

06 June, 2006

I need to fall in love

I always thought and believed that all of my stupid excuses (called 'problems') can be eliminated instantly. And for last few days, I was seriously thinking about 'how'. And the conclusion I got is pretty funny. Ya..that's it..'I need to fall in love'.

If you want then you can laugh at me. You can even call me despo...for all I care. I can give you thousands arguements in my support and you'll find 1001st against it. So, I'm not going to explain anything about it. If you have gone through this phase then You will understand it.

It's not like I don't have female friends. And everyone thinks that I'm a great friend. And the same people also say that I can't be a good boy friend. I'm very confused. Can someone tell me about the extra qualities needed to be a boyfriend...??? One of them even said that I'm too caring to believe. Well...Lets not talk about these shits.

I was talking about my need to fall in love. I don't have any images of my dream girl. And I don't expect her to be gorgeous or rich or intelligent or virgin (does it sound weird...?). What I ask for is 'care' and what I offer is also the same. And I don't believe that I'm too horrible to wish so.

Well...I think I'm getting bored of writing about it. Probably becasue My thought process are thousand times faster than my writing speed and so,. I'm writing only few cues of my thoughts and those are no making any sense. And my heart is yelling at me to stop this nonsense.

Well...Let my heart win. (atleast for this) I'm stopped.

04 June, 2006

A story

One fine day, a bus driver went to the bus garage, started his bus, and drove off along the route. No problems for the first few stops-a few people got on, a few got off, and things went generally well. At the next stop, however, a big hulk of a guy got on. Six feet height, built like a wrestler, arms hanging down to the ground. He glared at the driver and said, "Big John doesn't pay!" and sat down at the back.

Did I mention that the driver was five feet three, thin, and basically meek? Well, he was.
Naturally, he didn't argue with Big John, but he wasn't happy about it. The next day the same thing happened-Big John got on again, made a show of refusing to pay, and sat down. And the next day, and the one after that, and so forth. This grated on the bus driver, who started losing sleep over the way Big John was taking advantage of him.

Finally he could stand it no longer. He signed up for body building courses, karate, judo, and all that good stuff. By the end of the summer, he had become quite strong; what's more, he felt really good about himself. So on the next Monday, when Big John once again got on the bus
and said,"Big John doesn't pay!," the driver stood up, glared back at the passenger,and screamed, "And why not?" With a surprised look on his face, Big John replied, "Big John has a bus pass."


Moral of the story:
Be sure there is a problem in the first place before
working hard to solve one.

03 June, 2006

I am India

01 June, 2006

She haunts my dream

It was 2001. Just after 10th exam, I saw her in my coaching institue. She was a biology student and I was a maths student. But, we had common classes of physics, chemistry and english. Her father was a chemistry professor. I was a good student in chemistry coz I always wanted to be better than her.

It was 2002, when I last saw her. All these days together, I kept on sitting rigfht behind her. We used to tease each other in the classes. (I learnt 'tease' word from her only.)We were like rivals. Outside classes I talked her only once to give her my email address. But, she said, "I dont know anything about computers." Perhaps, I always knew that I can't forget her.

I thought that I'll ask her address and number after last class. But, for last class no one but me was present. Even she ditched the class. I was standing outside for 2 hours. And she didnt come. I tried searching for her. But, everything was in vain.

I dont know much about her. She was from Buxar, Bihar. And her name was pragati.

Even after more than 4 years, she comes in my dream and I cant tolerate it. Back then, I was too shy to say anything. I regret it. I want to meet her atleast once. I can't forgive myself for not saying anything to her unless I meet her once and confess to her.

Just now, I saw her in my dream. She was smiling as usual. Hey...where are you...??? Its almost 5 years. Why can't I forget you...??? Why do u haunt my dream....???

Need a Break

After shooting of my first monologue, I was preparing for second one. But, I got too exausted. I was not feeling good lately. (Again lost senses of time). I think it was a two day break. I was in my room. Sleeping all the day and watching animes all the night. Felt so weak. Last night I ditched the practice even after being called. (sorry...I was sleeping).

I guess I'll try to shoot the other monologue today. Oh..!! I just realised ki I promished Jikku to meet him. It was threee days back. (It has been long time since I went out of my room :O ). I guess I'll go and see him today or may be I'll call him.

I watched two japanese animation series: 'Kimi Ga Nozumu Eien' (13 Episode series) and 'Hikaru no go' (75 episode series). I liked them both. I think I'll start 'Law of ueki' (51 episode series) now.

I forgot to call my friends. JEE results are out now. I dont know how many of them has passed the obstacle.

I have been very unstable lately. Left my nice and interesting job, not contributing to movie, not even thinking of studies...these are due to my bad health...?? Or the other way around...??? May be I'm not feeling well 'coz I've left everything. I dont know what to do. Lonely..??? not exactly...I'm like this always. I need to go home. What about my shooting schedule of movie....??? that is on 17th. My tickets are booked for 7th. Will I be able to come that soon...??? No....! definatley not. So, I wont be working in the movie anymore. (ohhh...I cant forgive myself for letting go this oppurtunity. But, I guess I cant help it.) I want to spend some time with family. Perhaps this is the last chance. I want to visit everyone on my family. Now or Never.

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